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Another one for the moth-hating community (by popular request): this time the Insect Vac or Moth Killer. It’s not often you read advertising blurb that contains the words ‘attractive’, ‘ornamental’ and ‘quickly shred the insect apart’ in the same paragraph. From the same, exhaustive catalogue (this company just hates insects) an electrified tennis raquet for delivering death by AA battery to anything with wings. The resemblance to a raquet is only coincidental, and you should not be violent with this thing, oh no: “The device is not intended to “swat” at insects”, says the author, “Instead, it is used to “fry” them and all it takes is a gentle touch”, a use of the word gentle which I find more than a little disturbing. Word has it that the RSPB has developed a ‘splatometer’ which you stick on the front of your car to see how many insects of which variety you have slaughtered, thus ending arguments about whether there are less insects about than there used to be. Does anyone argue about that?

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Jonathan Still, ballet pianist